Mmmm...by Pia

If I Had Money to Burn...

2008-07-11T20:45:00.001-04:00

I would get nipple implants. Ladies and gentlemen, I am unhappy with my nipples. They're too small and unremarkable. I want a modified version of National Geographic nipples. If they can restore virginity, and make your balls bigger, I'm pretty sure they can make my nipples a little bit bigger.

God bless America.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

They've Succeeded!

2008-06-18T00:18:00.001-04:00

I have been forced to quit smoking because I can no longer afford to do so. I used to buy my stoges in Long Island, where they were much cheaper than NYC cigs, but now with the new, ridiculous NYS tax, they're up to $6+ a pack! It's an expensive bad habit, and I must quit so I can afford to keep gas in my car. Oh well. I'll just stick to smoking other things...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Insomnia Cookies

2008-06-15T20:53:00.002-04:00

I work part time @ Insomnia Cookies, down on W. 8th St., near NYU. We have wonderful warm cookies, brownies, and cold milk to wash it all down. Guess who stopped by today to try us out??? Foxy Brown!! And contrary to reports, she a really sweet person.

We're open until 3am everyday, and we deliver too (no minimum)! Check out www.insomniacookies.com to see what we're about or to place an order! Or you can stop by the store @ 50 W. 8th St. (btwn 6th Ave & macDougal St) on Wednesday, Saturday, and/or Sunday nights to see me and get some cookie deals!!

My 80s & Early 90s Crushes

2008-06-15T20:44:00.001-04:00

I developed rather quickly as a child. By the age of 4, I was lusting after older boys and men! Here's who I found attractive when I was a little girl. Are they still on my list of men I'd like to...you know.

1. Richard Greico from 21 Jump Street.

Lord have mercy, I thought he was the finest thing God gave us. His scruffy, bad-ass attitude was such a turn on! I don't know what he looks like now, but I'm pretty sure he's lost most of his long, greasy locks.

2. Joey Lawrence from Blossom.

Who didn't have a crush on him? Whoa! I loved his lustrious hair and ripped flannel shirts. He's still a looker now, but the receding hairline bug got to him and he had to go bald. Sucks being a guy.

3. Will Smith from Fresh Prince.

He was so cute and funny during his Fresh Prince days. I especially loved the episodes where he wore the half-tied Timberlands and baggy jeans, with the neatly trimmed goatee. He pretty much looks the same, except he's been shaving off his goatee. He looks like a bald vagina. I guess Jada likes it that way...

4. LL Cool J

Was it just me, or did his package look rather large in the Mama Said Knock You Out video? I remember staring so hard at his crotch as a young, horny buck. His body was bangin', then he went through a little fat spell, but now he's in tip top form. However he said he's gonna stop taking of his shirt in public. Lame! Stop being a pussy and get naked baby!

5. Big Daddy Kane

All that gold on his dark chocolate skin...WOO!!! He was so fine and swaggerific, even little girls like me couldn't resist his charm. I saw him perform 2 years ago at The Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival. He gained some weight, but the sexiness is still there. Come find me boo.

6. Jason Kidd from The Dallas Mavericks & NJ Nets.

For those of you that know me, know how much I love me some Jason Kidd. He's biracial with green eyes! At one point, I knew the license plate number on his 1965 baby blue Impala by heart! I still have a binder full of his basketball cards, posters, random memorabilia, and his jerseys. He still fine and now that he's getting divorced from his slut of a wife, I'm back in the game.

7. John Starks from The NY Knicks

My friend Valerie and I used to cut his pictures out of the newspaper and makeout with them. My mom even bought us "I Love John" keychains! I got a chance to meet his 2 years ago and he looks much much better! He's tan, and his face cleared up. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I haven't washed my face in 2 years.

8. John Goodman from Roseanne

They say that women look for men like their fathers. Well my dad's fat (Happy Father's Day, btw) and so is John Goodman. He also had such a cute, chubby face! Well he's gotten fatter, and less cute, so he is officially off my list. Sorry.

9. Zach Morris (don't remember is real name) from Saved by the Bell

Another common hottie. His hair was so blond and he was so slick, I loved him! Apparently, his real life personality is completely opposite from his TV character. He quiet, unassuming, and rather introverted. Also, he prefers brown hair. He was on NYPD Blue for a while. Don't know what he's up to now, but I'm sure he's still delicious.

10. The Wayans Brothers from In Living Color

There are way too many of them to name individually. Damon was my favorite, then Shawn, then Marlon. Now, my favorite is Marlon, the Damon, and Shawn is last because I think he's gay. I don't have a problem with gay people, but a gay man is useless to me in the bedroom.

Feel free to share some of your 80s & 90s crushes in the comments.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I'm BACK!!!!!

2008-06-14T00:41:00.001-04:00

I have returned from the dead! How is everyone? I've missed you all so much! First things first, let's touch on some important points.

1. Hooray for Barack Obama, the next President of the U.S.A!!!!! I wonder how the stress will affect his fine ass.

2. Lil Wayne claims to have saved Hip Hop. I do not entirely disagree with that statement. We just have to wait and see if Hip Hop can keep up the momentum...I doubt it. Also, go cop his new album Tha Carter III and put "Dr. Carter" on repeat.

3. Britney's getting better. She stopped acting crazy thanks to her dad. Finally! He may be a redneck, but he got that bitch to act right.

4. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married. WTF?!?! He must have some long dick, 'cause he's not that cute and is extremely corny.

5. I still eat a lot. My new obsession is sesame beef with brown rice. I don't even have to tell them my address anymore! I'm happy and ashamed at the same time.

6. I want nipple implants. Badly. If they can restore your virginity, I'm pretty sure they can give me bigger nipples.

7. The new N.E.R.D album Seeing Sounds, is awesome. Go check it out. "Yeah You" is one of my favorites.

8. The Boston Celtics are 1 game away from winning their first NBA Championship in mad long. Yay for them! To KG and Paul Pearse (sp?): come find me when you win and we can celebrate...

9. The price of cigarettes went WAY up in NYC, almost $8/pack! I can't even buy "cheap" ones in Long Island anymore. I may have to quit...Lord have mercy on me!

10. I met Just Blaze!!!! I didn't realize he was so small. Doesn't matter, he's still effin' amazing!

11. (For good luck) Cocaine is a helluva drug.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Do It For Me!

2008-03-04T13:29:00.001-05:00

Radio stations, it is time to switch up your g-damn playlists! I no longer want to hear Jay-Z's "Roc Boys" or Flo Rida's "Lo." I'm sick of all this shit. Jow many times have you flipped thru stations, only to hear the same song on two different stations? Do you know what I listen to instead? 106.7 Lite FM. That's right Elton John, The Eagles, Stevie Nicks, and George Michael. At least their programming is diverse and not redundant. Right now I'm jammin' to Lou Rawls "You'll Never Find." I love all these classic hits!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Fleeting Thoughts

2008-03-01T21:06:00.000-05:00

Brooke Shields looks like a man in drag.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

THANK YOU!!

2008-02-25T16:23:00.002-05:00

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to the wonderful, spectacular person that donated $650 dollars to the MacBook Air Fund today! I love you and owe you my life (a part of it)!!!

I hope this generosity is contagious...

My Most Favorite Albums

2008-02-24T22:57:00.002-05:00

Here it is, what you've all been waiting for (probably not, but I'd like to think so)! This is a list of my most favorite albums. Someone recently gassed my head up about my taste in music, so this list counts! I'm not gonna bother putting them in order, cause that's pointless. I love them all the same.

1. Ready to Die - Notorious BIG

I assume this is one of your favorites too. I know pretty much every word to this album. As a sheltered first generation child, I connected with the Brooklyn emcee's flow and story. Even though we grew up in two different extremes of life, I felt his pain and identified with his struggle.

Favorite tracks: "Suicidal Thoughts," "Things Done Changed," "Gimme the Loot," and the ultimate "Warning."

2. The Massacre - 50 Cent

I hate 50 Cent with a passion. I've even had sex dreams about him, where he's my boyfriend and I wake up feeling ashamed and dirty. However, I can't get passed this album. The first two singles, "Disco Inferno," and "Candy Shop" were fire, so I decided to download it. I come to find out that I love all the songs. What's wrong with me?! How could a man I abhor make such good music? Every six months, I listen to the album and discover a song and become obsessed with it. I'll just label this album a guilty pleasure.

Favorite tracks: "Toy Soldier," "In My Hood," and "Get In My Car."

3. All I Have - Amerie

This is the only album I listened to freshman year of college (thank you ex). Out of nowhere, this BlaAsian chick drops this sultry, well rounded R&B album. It's so easy to cruise through it. By the end, you'll be begging for more. I haven't even listened to her second album, Touch, beacuse I don't wanna taint the sound of her perfect debut.

Favorite Tracks: "Can't Let Go," "All I Have," "Float," and "I Just Died."

4. Fly or Die - NERD

Another freshman year classic. Fly or Die is so funky and innovative, you can't help but fall in love. I'm a fan of most music genres, Hip Hop, R&B, Soul, Jazz, Classic Rock, etc. Pharrell and his crew mix it all for a well-rounded Hip Hop album.

Favorite Tracks: "Run to the Sun" "Tape You" "Lapdance" "Things are Getting Better"

5. My Life - Mary J. Blige

The Most Perfect R&B Album. I'm listening to the title track right now. In my opinion, this is Mary's best album. Wasn't she addicted to coke and getting beat by K-Ci from Jodeci? Well, she is the Queen. I'm not really a fan of her current work though. Doesn't matter, she's still awesome.

Favorite Tracks: "My Life," "Be Happy," "I Love You," "Gotta Believe," and "All Night Long."

6. Butterfly - Mariah Carey

I didn't want to like this album because it's named Butterfly, which I find sickeningly girly. "The Roof" over that Mobb Deep "Shook Ones" beat, is one of my favorite songs of all time. I think this one is up there as her best. The Emancipation of Mimi annoyed the hell out of me. As corny as the title is, Butterfly feels more real and full of passion. That was her prime, then she went crazy, and came back and won mad shit. That's what Britney needs to do (except that her crazy album Blackout, went multi-platinum. Bitch). Also, illegally download the "My All/Stay Awhile" So So Def remix.

Favorite Tracks: "Fourth of July," "Babydoll," and "The Beautiful Ones."

7. Blueprint - Jay-Z

I have a confession. I have yet to listen to Reasonable Doubt all the way through. A sin, I know. So, my first favorite Jigga album is the stellar Blueprint. His flow mesmerizes me. It's so clean and crisp, I fall into a trance everytime. Like 50 Cent's The Massacre, I listen to the album every now and then, and fall in love with a new song. I love him. He's my role model.

Favorite Tracks: "All I Need," "Hola Hovito," "Ruler's Back," of course "Renegade," and "Breathe Easy."

8. Janet - Janet Jackson

This album embodies the 90s. I love the music, the videos, her style, everything. I was the awkward pre-teen memorizing her dance moves and worshiping her. Remember the video for "That's the Way Loves Goes?" I wanted to be just like her! That's when Poetic Justice came out! Best times of my life.

Favorite Tracks: "If," "Where Are You Now," "Throb," "That the Way Loves Goes," "You Want This," and "Anytime, Anyplace."

9. The Firm - The Firm

Someone once made fun of me for liking this album. He said, "Only people from Queens like this album." Yeah, so what? Nas, AZ, and crazy-ass Foxy Brown at their prime. Check out the intro, it's sick.

Favorite Tracks: "Phone Tap," "Firm Family," "Depserados," and "Firm Biz."

10. American Gangster - Jay-Z

This recent addition has blown me away. I'm still listening to it. His flow coupled with 70s-inspired beats is the perfect combination. In a previous post I said Jay had a ghost writer from Toronto. This may or may not be true, but who cares? No one can do what he does. His swag is one of a kind.

Favorite Tracks: "Sweet," "American Dreams," "Ignorant Shit," "Roc Boys," and "American Gangster."

Awkward...

2008-02-21T20:45:00.002-05:00

I wonder what those half-naked bushmen are thinking...LOL

Congratulations Newark!

2008-02-17T15:59:00.002-05:00

The city of Newark has gone 33 days without an official homicide. Hooray!! This is the longest, murder-free stretch in four decades!

It saddens me that this is cause for celebration in the United States of America.

Whatever goes, man.

Rehab Update

2008-02-12T20:21:00.000-05:00

Since I can't stay away from the drive thru, I've decided to focus my attention on chicken instead of beef. For those of you that know me well, you know I love chicken. However, this love is limited to chicken on a bone. I'm not too crazy about chicken breasts, patties, fillets, whatever. Maybe it's the marrow that adds flavor, I don't know...

The last time I went to McD's (yesterday), I got 1 McChicken sandwich. Better, right???

I really am trying to cut fast food out of my life, but the convenience of it all is so appealing...HELP ME!!

Dog Grooming

2008-02-12T20:10:00.000-05:00

I love my dog to death, but he has waaaaaay too much hair. What's worse, is that it costs MORE to do his hair, than mine! I can go to the Dominicans on Jamaica Ave. and get my hair done for $30. Moreno's grooming trip costs $45, including tip. That's insanity, he's a freakin' dog!!! And for $45, he comes home handsome as hell, BUT scratching like he has fleas!!

If anyone knows of a good dog groomer for an affordable price, holla at me PLEASE! I am willing to travel to Queens, Brooklyn, & Manhattan.

PLEASE DONATE!!

2008-02-10T11:42:00.000-05:00

Greetings friends! Recently, my precious MacBook was destroyed, and this seriously hinders my performance at work.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE donate to the MacBook Air Fund by clicking on the "Donate" button above. Donations are being accepted through PayPal, the safe, easy way to get paid online. $1, $5, anything counts.

Find it in your kind hearts to restore my mobile technology and information center. Also, it's my birthday soon, so yeah...

Have you seen the new MacBook Air? It's amazing!

How sexy?! You can fit it inside a manila envelope!

Help a sista out!!

Men

2008-02-08T20:13:00.000-05:00

I no longer respect men. They're all worthless. Especially bitch ass niggas that put their hands on women.

Fuck y'all!

Get viciously raped in prison.

Fleeting Thoughts

2008-02-07T07:42:00.001-05:00

I think Lindsay Lohan will be Lifetime TV's next big star...ouch.

The Five Stages of Patriots Grief

2008-02-06T20:35:00.000-05:00

Thanks G$$ for this hilarious article. Read it and weep, you New England phonies!!!

The Five Stages of Patriots Grief

Are You Kidding Me?!?!

2008-02-06T20:26:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears was released from the hospital today!!!! What is wrong with our country, our doctors, our lawyers?! You mean to tell me a shrink has no power to hold crazy-ass Unfitney for longer than a week for a very necessary psych evaluation?! How did she manage to convince doctors that she was ready to be released? They're obviously blind, deaf, and not doing their jobs very well. Let me go out there and start acting crazy, like that bitch, and you'll all see how fast I get locked the fuck up!

I told you, I'm gonna start small fires. Watch out NYC, here I come!!!

Michael Jordan's...

2008-02-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

...mistress is CRAZY! She's claiming Jordan fathered her 3-year old son. They did TWO paternity tests, which excluded Jordan from being the kid's father. This bitch is still calling him!

She's a psychopath.

Check out her blog:

Lisa Miceli's Official Blog

Snack Time

2008-02-04T00:05:00.000-05:00

If you're a fan of all cheeses - cold, melted, whatever - go to your local supermarket, buy whatever's on sale, and some crackers. This week it was $0.50 off all Gouda cheese, so I bought a piece of regular and smoked gouda cheese.

It is currently midnight, after the NEW YORK GIANTS won Superbowl XLII. I am pigging out on gouda cheese and Ritz crackers.

My point is...buy whatever interesting cheese is on sale at your local market, and pair it with some crackers and wine (usually white). Classy appetizers for $5.

Holla!

p.s. - Pair pepperoni slices and cheese on crackers. Delicious, non-vegetarian bites. Get pepperoni freshly sliced at your local supermarket. Chances are you'll get a pound for cheaper than the Hormel, pre-sliced, commercial bullshits. . .mmmm.

BY THE MOTHER FUCKING WAY...

2008-02-03T22:56:00.000-05:00

THIS IS the FIRST LOSS the Patriots have suffered ALLLLLLLLLL season. They are now 18-1. Their streak was SHATTERED, during Super Bowl XLII.

YEAH!!!!!! YOU MOTHER FUCKING AASSHOLES!!!!!!

2008-02-03T22:08:00.001-05:00

NEW YORK!!!!

NY GIANTS REPRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!

BIG UP TO NEW YORK (and the area around the field they practice in NJ)!!!! Whoop whoop!!!

FUCK EVERYONE IN BOSTON & IN NEW ENGLAND!!!

YOU SUCK!!!

~ '08 Obama...Holla!

Super Tuesday

"Yes We Can"

2008-02-03T11:52:00.001-05:00

WE WANT CHANGE!!!!

My New Favorite Song

2008-01-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

This is my new favorite song, from Estelle, the beautiful British wonder. The track is called "American Boy" f/Kanye West, and it is CRACK!

Check it out:

FINALLY!!!!

2008-01-31T10:39:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears has been committed and is under a 72-hour psych hold. Thank the freaking Lord!!! I swear on everything that is holy, if she is released in less than a week, I'm going to start small fires all over NYC!!!

Dear Britney,

This ain't no joke girl! You're fucking crazy, and you REALLY do need help. Stop fighting everyone and just get better, that's all. No one hates you, we're all super worried about you. Take your time, your kids are fine, and we'll all still be here when you get out and drop that triple platinum post-looney bin album (jk). Do it for America!!

Love,

Pia

Update: Pia's Rehab

2008-01-30T19:11:00.000-05:00

So as soon as I finished writing my post, I jump into my car and speed off to where? Yep, McDonald's. I relapsed. I pull into the drive-thru, throw up my hands and shout, "What is wrong with me?!?!" After raving on and on about lobster bisque and meatloaf, I opt for shit-stained rectal-lining patties! It also doesn't help that I just spent $40 on chips and candy.

I need some encouragement. So the next time you see me, tell me I look fat and that I disgust you. That should be enough to shame me into the gym. I KNOW y'all don't want me looking like this...

Hi, My Name is Pia...

2008-01-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

...and I'm addicted to McDonald's. I love McDo's with all of my heart! I actually drive out of my way to one in Nassau County, that has $1 double cheeseburgers all the time. If you've lived with me, you might have actually seen my stash in my purse. It just doesn't get any better than $1 double cheeseburgers. You know the movie Supersize Me, where the guy eats three meals a day at McDonald's for 30 days? At the end of that month, he had kidney failure, he was fat, greasy, nasty, and could hardly breath. Do you know what I thought quietly to myself??? "I'm so jealous, he got to eat McDonald's all day, every day, for 30 days. . . that's awesome!" I'm in dire need of detox at this moment.

Recently I saw the movie Fast Food Nation (WATCH IT) on HBO on Demand, and I was blown away. It chronicles several different stories, all having a solid root in a McDonald's-esque restaurant's path of destruction. "There's shit in the meat." "Well how does it get there?" As much as I try to ignore that fact, while I'm inhaling two Big Macs, I completely agree. I can deal with it though. I mean, if I'm meant to get sick and die from eating shit-laced food, then let it happen. I'm a firm believer in pre-destination (my life is already mapped out), so what happens is what is supposed to happen.

Anyway, since watching the movie, I've eaten 5 double cheeseburgers, and now I realize that I have a problem. I'm gross and unhealthy (sometimes). I go on these horrendous binges, like eating 20 White Castle burgers by myself, twice in a week! Who am I?! Bad food is cheap (and tasty). However, these major corporations are making efforts to include healthy alternatives, like Wendy's caesar side salad, or McDonald's chicken wraps. I have no excuse to continue eating shitty food!

Ladies and gentleman, I am entering rehab today. No more fast food. When I do buy food, I should opt for a sandwich (no mayo!!), or a salad. There's this cool new restaurant by my house called Toss My Salad. It's one of those cutesy, salad bars, but they have much better hot food, like meatloaf, and pure deliciousness! They also serve lobster bisque EVERYDAY!!!! It doesn't get better than that. I'm getting some right now.

Holla!

QUEENS REPRESENT!

2008-01-22T16:04:00.000-05:00

Shout out to all my Queens heads! We definitely don't get the respect we deserve, so here it is...4 Queens

Holla!!!

Recipe of the Day: Broccoli Alfredo - 1/21/08

2008-01-21T01:42:00.001-05:00

Anything alfredo is good in my book. This recipe includes healthy and delicious broccoli to round out the nutritional content of this dish. You can also add some grilled chicken breast to make this a complete and filling meal. Pair with a glass of white wine and you're on your way to being voted best host(ess).

Yield: Makes 4 servings

1 tablespoon salt
½ 1-pound box dry fettuccine
4 cups (8 ounces) fresh broccoli florets 4 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup heavy cream or half-and-half
1 cup freshly grated good-quality Parmesan 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional) 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg (optional)
1.5 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper

Place the salt in a large pot of water and bring to a boil. Add the fettuccine and cook according to the package directions for al dente. During the last 3 minutes of cooking, add the broccoli. Drain in a colander, reserving 1 cup of the water; set aside.

Place the butter in the pot, reduce heat to medium-low, and stir until melted. Add ½ cup of the reserved pasta water, heavy cream (or half-and-half), then stir in 1/3 cup of the Parmesan. Add the fettuccine and broccoli and the cayenne and nutmeg, if desired; toss.

Remove from heat and sprinkle with another 1/3 cup of the Parmesan and the pepper. Toss again, adding more pasta water if the fettuccine is too sticky. Serve in bowls and sprinkle with the remaining Parmesan.

New Music Player

2008-01-20T22:40:00.000-05:00

Hello all, please enjoy my wonderful playlist on the right. Don't worry, it doesn't start automatically anymore (thx for the feedback). Imeem.com is an awesome site where you can create playlists and share them with all of your friends. It's like Myspace, but with better music. Unlike other music streaming sites, Imeem has very current music, because users can upload and share their music. Check it out.

Britney is a Hot Mess!

2008-01-20T22:36:00.000-05:00

Look at this picture on Mediatakeout.com. Britney is a nasty, crazy bitch. K-Fed, keep those kids and move far, far away from her.

Yeeeeah!!!

2008-01-20T22:31:00.000-05:00

GO GIANTS!!!!! Bring that Super Bowl title home baby!!!

Stop Wasting Money!!

2008-01-17T16:06:00.000-05:00

Two weeks after their "spiritiual union" in Bora Bora, Eddie Murphy and Tracy Edmonds have split. Did you actually believe they were going to stay together forever? The ceremony wasn't even legally binding. I don't get it. They've been dating for a year and change. They decide to have a spiritual ceremony, and then two weeks later, they can't stand each other? You couldn't have figured this out like 3 months ago? I guess it doesn't matter anyway cause they're rich. They can do whatever they want, like waste thousands of dollars on a publicity wedding. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you use that money for college scholarships for poor high school students?

Honestly, I have had it up to here with celebrities throwing money away, just to stay relevant. Who cares about you rich, snobby fucks?! I care about bettering our mediocre education system, creating jobs for the unemployed, ending this pointless war in the Middle East, lowering ridiculous gas prices, and many other things. If I had millions upon millions of dollars, I would certainly invest my money, energy, and time into the social ills of our country.

I also have a bone to pick with the "great" Oprah Winfrey. Why don't you take care of our young, black American women, as well as those girls in South Africa? This morning on The Miss Jones Morning Show on Hot 97, I heard that Oprah's reasoning for not helping black American women is because they're only concerned with "dropping it like it's hot." Listen, you have more than enough money to help everyone that needs it. Stop being judgemental and take care of your children at home, then go overseas. Granted, most American kids are spoiled lazy, but there are plenty of people out there busting their asses just to stay alive. I guess she just helps them out by giving them some of her "Favorite Things." Shame on you, Oprah. You too, Eddie Murphy and Tracy Edmonds. As former poor people you should know better.

Gossip

2008-01-15T11:06:00.000-05:00

- The steroid probe has spread to the Hip Hop world. Mary J. Blige, Tyler Perry, 50 Cent, and Timbaland were named. WTF?! I don't even care about steriods. Just as long as they don't come and beat my ass, it's all good with me.

- Tyra Banks might be pregnant.

- LL Cool J hired Jay-Z's ghostwriter, that guy Famous from Toronto.

- Lebron James was busted going 101 mph on the highway on Dec. 30, 2007 in his white mercedes. Apparently his plates read "KING OF AK." What does that mean? Am I missing something?

- A broke T.I. was forced to sell some of his cars and his auto shop in ATL. That's what you get for having machine guns...loser.

- New York has a sex tape out. Check MediaTakeOut.com.

- Beyonce might be pregnant. What will that child look like?! Lord have mercy.

- Nicole Ritchie had a girl.

- Christina Aguilera had a boy.

- Marion Jones was sentenced to 6 months in prison. I really feel bad for her. Everytime they talk about her in the news, they refer to her as "disgraced track star Marion Jones." I'm still a fan of hers. I watched her kick ass in the 1996 Olympics and am grateful for her contribution to sports, irregardless of this fiasco.

- Amy Winehouse dyed her hair blonde. She still looks cracked out.

- Britney still can't see her kids. Stupid bitch.

- Emmanuel Lewis a.k.a Webster, might be getting his own reality show, probably on VH1. Go figure.

Go Giants!!

2008-01-15T10:36:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure what's going on in the football playoffs, but I know the NY Giants beat the Dallas Cowboys. So as a New Yorker, I fully support the Giants. Do your thing, boys!

Bow Wow...

2008-01-15T09:59:00.000-05:00

Is a punk, spoiled, little bitch. First off, he's only like 3 foot 9 inches. What is he doing beefing and throwing tantrums? Doesn't he know that he can get squashed in a heartbeat? Oh I forgot, that's why he has bodyguards. That's probably why he stays popping shit. I just heard a rumor that he spit in Chris Brown's (his tour partner) face, because the microphone malfunctioned while he was performing. He claimed Brown's camp was trying to sabotage his show. WTF?!?! Really Bow Wow? I actually believe this because I saw the YouTube videos where he's just being real reckless with his mouth. So what you've been rich since you were 9?! You have no right to treat people like shit and spit in their face! I hope someone smacks the shit out of you one day, you midget faggot (see The F Word).

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy your music (most of the time), but your recent behavior is unacceptable. Be a decent human being. Don't be one of those famous douchebags, it's so unbecoming.

Recipe of the Day: Macaroni & Cheese - 1/15/08

2008-01-15T09:24:00.000-05:00

I love me some Mac & Cheese, especially made with Gruyere cheese. This is a nutty and fragrant cheese made from cow's milk in Switzerland. It is commonly used in fondues and French Onion Soup because of it's incredible melting qualities. I could seriously eat a 1-lb wheel of this cheese, it's too good. If you have trouble finding it in your local supermarket (check Trader Joe's), you can use sharp cheddar cheese instead, to make a more traditional mac & cheese dish. For a dinner party, it would be so cute to make these in individual ramekins for your guests (see photo). To add more flavor, mix in some cooked bacon, proscuitto, or your favorite combination of vegetables and herbs.

For topping

1/2 stick unsalted butter

2 cups panko (coarse Japanese bread crumbs) or 3 cups coarse fresh bread crumbs (from 6 slices firm white sandwich bread)

1/4 pound coarsely grated Gruyere cheese (1 1/2 cups)

1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

For macaroni and sauce

1 stick unsalted butter

6 tablespoons all-purpose flour

5 cups whole milk

1 pound coarsely grated Gruyere cheese (6 cups)

1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

1 pound elbow macaroni

Make topping: Preheat oven to 400°F with rack in middle. Melt butter, then stir together with panko and topping cheeses in a bowl until combined well.

Make sauce: Melt butter in a heavy medium saucepan over medium-low heat and stir in flour. Cook roux, stirring, 3 minutes, then whisk in milk. Bring sauce to a boil, whisking constantly, then simmer, whisking occasionally, 3 minutes. Stir in cheeses, 2 teaspoons salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper until smooth. Remove from heat and cover surface of sauce with wax paper.

Make Macaroni: Cook macaroni in a pasta pot of boiling salted water (2 tablespoons salt for 4 quarts water) until al dente. Reserve 1 cup cooking water and drain macaroni in a colander. Stir together macaroni, reserved cooking water, and sauce in a large bowl. Transfer to 2 buttered 2-quart shallow baking dishes. Sprinkle topping evenly over macaroni and bake until golden and bubbling, 20 to 25 minutes.

Notes:

• Topping can be made 1 day ahead and chilled, covered.

• Half of dish can be baked in 10 (6- to 8-ounce) ramekins (with remaining half baked in a 2-quart baking dish).

Go to the Post Office Today

2008-01-15T09:05:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day to register for the Primary coming up on February 5, 2008. The states included in Super Tuesday are: New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Alabama, Georgia, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Colorado, Utah, Idaho, Montana, Kansas, Arkansas, Alaska, North Dakota, Missouri, Illinois, Tennessee, West Virginia, and New Jersey.

So stop by your local post office, and register to vote on February 5th. This is probably one of the most important elections of our time. Do the right thing, and take our country back from the crazy, self-serving Republicans.

As for Obama vs. Clinton, I'm still undecided. One week, I'm rooting with my ovaries, the next, I'm rooting with my skin color. I'll use the next three weeks to research and make a decision.

Holla!

Hillary!!

2008-01-15T08:46:00.000-05:00

by A Rose 'N Bklyn

Okay, so on Monday, Hillary resorted to the ultimate girl tactic: "When in doubt, CRY!" And it worked! After coming in third to Barack Obama in the Iowa caucuses, she came back with a 3 percentage win over him in the New Hampshire caucuses Tuesday. What does this tell us? That everyone is a sucker for a crying lady - yes. But the lesson does not stop there. First off, it supports the idea that no one likes a strong woman. As much as we women may be inclined to think that one has to be strong to get ahead in this Patriarchal society, this is fallacious thinking. Who does Hillary think she is, wearing her pant suits, debating amongst men? She is a lady, and ought to act accordingly. Ladies are supposed to be weak and emotional. The results of the Iowa and New Hampshire primaries have shown us that as a country, we will settle for nothing other than that. No? You disagree? Well, name for me then any other candidate who could win the polls showing such a sign of weakness. Answer me this: If it had been a man, who had choked up on the brink of tears in midst of a bid to the White House - would we not question his ability to stand strong as leader of this country?

Hillary's choke up was a double edged sword. Brilliant, in that her showing emotion was conforming to the familiar image that we have of a lady - thus, making her more likeable to much of the public. Yet, what can we expect of her as President of this country? If you cried your way into the White House, what the hell are you going to do when faced with tough decisions and criticism that is more often than not bestowed upon the President?

Just a little food for thought. Chew on that. Mmmm.

David Spade

2008-01-13T03:21:00.000-05:00

You know, the guy from SNL and Just Shoot Me. This guy never gets credit for what he does professionally, but is always dogged when attached to a "gorgeous," white, whorish actress. Recently, he went on vacay with Jenneifer Aniston, and the paparazzi are, again, up in arms, "What's this guy's appeal?" He's dated Heather Locklear, Teri Hatcher, Lara Flynn Boyle, Britney Daniel (from Joe Dirt, also Keenan Ivory Wayans' current main squeeze), Pam Anderson, AND Lindsey Lohan. You know what it is? It's his killer sense of humor (see resume on IMDB), 24-hr access to any drug, and huge dick. His fat wallet doesn't hurt either.

Aside from his stellar sex, this guy is pure comedic genius. Have you seen Tommy Boy and Black Sheep? He was the comic relief and true appeal of Just Shoot Me (check local TBS listings). Did you know that he is Kate Spade's (fabulous designer) brother-in-law? How awesome?! Two years ago, he came out with a show on Comedy Central, The Showbiz Show w/ David Spade. Similar to his "Hollywood Minute" bit on SNL, David Spade stripped celebrities of their dignity and integrity, with his scathing sarcasm and hysterical wit. Apparently, this show was cancelled last year. Come on, someone give him a suitable medium!

So to all you lame-ass gossipers and paparazzi, leave the man alone. Although he may be short and trollish, give the man his due respect, for he is one of few, great talents left in Hollywood.

Fleeting Thoughts

2008-01-12T22:52:00.000-05:00

I know exactly why I have ADD. I listen to music while I watch TV. I simultaneously pay attention to both. I also sleep with the TV on.

Eddie Murphy is Still Funny

2008-01-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

Watch Norbit and you'll see. In true Nutty Professor fashion, and with a fantastic supporting cast, this movie is HILARIOUS! The lineup includes stars Eddie Murphy (as several people, including Norbit, Rasputia and Mr. Wong), Thandie Newton (from Mission Impossible II), comics Eddie Griffin and Kat Williams, playing pimp business partners, Terry Crews (the dad from I Hate Chris), and Cuba Gooding Jr. Norbit is an orphan, and Rasputia takes him under her wing at a very young age and makes him "her man-bitch." Rasputia is one of those XL bitches, who thinks she's doin' it, but really, she's fat and gross. With E. Murph doing 3 main characters, and the pimps, this movie, the comedy, is golden. I remember when it came out in theatres, critics were wondering why it did so well. Because it's hysterical (DUH)!

A word to the wise: get HBO. If you can only afford one premium channel (me), HBO is definitely the one to invest in. Not only do they get the best movies, they have the best television shows EVER created (The Wire, The Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sex and the City, Def Comedy Jam, etc). It's obvious.

Recipe of the Day: Munchie Sandwich - 1/11/08

2008-01-11T11:14:00.000-05:00

This is by far the best munchie sandwich ever. It's delicious AND nutritious (see Fiber). I'm not even going to talk about it much. I'll let the ingredients speak for themselves...mmmm.

Serves 1

2 slices 100% whole wheat bread

peanut butter, as needed

1 banana, sliced

chocolate syrup, as needed

1. Toast the bread.

2. Spread peanut butter on both toasted slices.

3. Arrange banana slices on one slice.

4. Drizzle chocolate syrup on bananas

5. Place other slice on top.

6. Enjoy warm.

You Know What?!

2008-01-11T10:09:00.001-05:00

There's this homeless guy at the train station that keeps fucking with me. He always asks for change when I don't have it, then proceeds to call me a bitch. You know what?! Fuck you, you bitter bastard. You're probably homeless 'cause you're an asshole. If you're a hobo and pissed about it, keep your mouth shut. No one cares what you have to say anyway.

Also, if you have a terrible smell that permeates every space you are near, please refrain from riding the train/bus during rush hours. Limit your commute to the midday or late night/early morning. This sounds mean, but I know some of you have gotten on that one empty subway car during rush hour, only to find a pissy bum in one corner, and 50 passengers huddled in the other cornern, trying to ignore his offensive odor. I encountered one such man two days in a row. My solution? I sprayed some perfume (J'Adore by Christian Dior) on my hand and inhaled it profsusely until I could switch to a car with open seats. A small price to pay for seated comfort on the Iron Horse after a long-ass day at work.

A note to MTA subway planners and designers: go to Paris, look at their Metro, come back, and copy it. As the best city in the World, we should not have such a medieval and mediocre transportation system. Be strong my NYC commuters. We can only pray for a better subway system in 20 years (I doubt it).

3rd Base

2008-01-11T03:11:00.001-05:00

If you thought finger-popping was for high schoolers, think again. While this art has fallen by the wayside in favor of oral sex and intercourse, it must not be neglected. Women love how strong a man's hands can be, like when he pulls her hair or smacks her ass. So show her what you got by sticking your long, strong digit in her wet purse and fishing around for some change. If you're curious as to where the G-spot is, fellas (and ladies) stick your strongest finger in (palm-side up) and repeat the "come here" sign with it. Don't be alarmed by the squirming and moaning, she's really enjoying it. This is perfect for all you one minute brothas. You can still satisfy her without being ridiculed for the next week. For all you freaks out there, you can even do this discretely in public (ladies, wear a dress/skirt). Stand next to your seated man and try to hold your compsure as he inconspicuously sticks his hand up your dress for an inappropriate middday public orgasm...mmmm.

Fleeting Thoughts

2008-01-10T22:34:00.000-05:00

This is the most attractive Jay-Z has looked in a picture...EVER.

Gossip

2008-01-10T20:31:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted any gossip. Nothing seems newsworthy to me...except for these items.

- Sen. Hilary Clinton cried during a women's coffee shop meeting in NH. Honestly, not a good look. Everyone already thinks women are whiny and emotional, don't prove them right! I bet you've never seen Condoleeza shed a tear over anything (in public).

- Britney Spears is officially insane. She was taken to the hospital of a psych evaluation. She was supposed to be in the psych ward for a minimum of 72 hours, but with the help of Dr. Phil, sh got out in just 26. AND NOW there are rumors that she is being sought after to play the role of a mental patient in a movie. Why are we still putting money in her pockets? If we all just stopped paying attention to her, she would eventually go away and grow the fuck up. Perhaps I'm contributing to this media siege by writing this blurb, but it must be said. Either we stop paying attention and she goes away, or we keep the focus on her and she kills herself. Let's see if the American media values a human life.

- Nelly had a baby with his jumpoff, an Atlanta stripper.

- Jay-Z lost $500K in a pro poker game in Vegas. Shocker. That's probably what he carries around on a daily basis...jerk. Rumors are swirling about a Jay and Bey wedding. I believe that. She's finally taking a break from making music and touring, so she will definitely have time for him now.

- The coroner's report says that Dr. Donda West, Kanye's mom, had a heart attack after surgery. RIP.

- Amy Winehouse went on vacation with her ex-boyfriend, while her husband remains in jail. What a classy broad.

I'm sad that that's it. Everything else on the gossip sites sound like BS. What a bore!

Fiber

2008-01-10T19:43:00.000-05:00

If you're still eating white bread, then you're an idiot. Do you know how much more fiber there is in wheat bread, than in white? Almost 4x more fiber in a slice! And why is fiber so important? Fiber is what keeps the traffic flowing on the hershey highway, by absorbing water in your digestive system. Also, a little bit of fiber goes a long way. It makes you feel full, thus you eat less. I bet if you eat 4 slices of wheat bread a day, you will have easy and regular bowel movements, and you'll eat less during the day. So that's two toasted slices with strawberry preserves for breakfast with a glass of OJ, and a delicious sandwich loaded with lettuce and tomatoes on another two slices for lunch. By dinner, you won't have the desire to eat half a cow with melted butter and cheese. The reason white bread is not healthy and now "out of style," is because it is made with refined white flour, which has virtually no nutritional value. Look for 100% whole wheat bread on the package. This means all the vitamins, minerals, and fiber are intact, and ready to fight heart disease, cancer, and diabetes. We have got to start eating well and taking care of ourselves NOW. If you're reckless when you're young, you have no collateral when you're old (thanks Mom).

If you're concerned and/or turned off by the wheaty taste or grainy texture of wheat bread, start small. Try a PB&J or ham and cheese sandwich. Basically, pack enough flavor between the two slices to forget all about the bread. I got turned on to wheat bread because I heard that it guides "The High Cells" away from the bladder and into the colon, thus reducing the chance of a positive on a drug test. I started eating toast and jelly, breakfast sandwiches, basically anything I could, on wheat bread. Eventually, I became accustomed to the taste and now, I LOVE it! If you're really brave you should try multi-grain breads, like 7- or 15-grain. The bits of cracked grains provide excellent texture for egg and grilled sandwiches.

It's not just wheat bread that has an abundance of fiber. Try to incorporate brown rice, avocados, apples, grapefruit, beans, etc, into your diet. For optimum health, you need between 30-40 g of fiber a day. Check the nutritional values on the packages. After a week, you will definitely feel the difference, and you'll all be thanking me.

Check out this list of high fiber foods.

Recipe of the Day: Buffalo Wings - 1/09/08

2008-01-09T17:47:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have been privileged enough to have my buffalo wings, you know what this is all about. So saucy, spicy, crispy, and just plain delicious. I got this recipe from my trusty pals at Cooks Illustrated (the ones that test recipes over and over again until they're perfect). Get a family pack of wings (make sure you cut off the retarded leg), make a big ol' batch, and entertain your rowdy friends with these wings and some frosty beer, while you watch the game. You can adjust the heat by controlling how much Tabasco sauce you put in. Be careful, one drop is hotter than it looks. For super hot wings, double the recipe of the bleu cheese dressing. Bon appetit!

Serves 6 to 8

*Sauce*
4	tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2	cup hot sauce , preferably Frank's Louisiana Hot Sauce
2	tablespoons Tabasco sauce or other hot sauce, plus more to taste
1	tablespoon dark brown sugar
2	teaspoons cider vinegar
*Wings*
1 - 2	quarts peanut oil (or vegetable oil) for frying
1	teaspoon cayenne pepper
1	teaspoon ground black pepper
1	teaspoon table salt
3	tablespoons cornstarch
3	pounds chicken wings (18 wings), cut up (see illustrations below)
*Creamy Blue Cheese Dressing and Vegetables*
2 1/2	ounces blue cheese , crumbled (about 1/2 cup)
3	tablespoons buttermilk
3	tablespoons sour cream
2	tablespoons mayonnaise
2	teaspoons white wine vinegar
4	stalks celery , cut into thin sticks
2	medium carrots , peeled and cut into thin slices

1. For the Sauce: Melt butter in small saucepan over low heat. Whisk in hot sauces, brown sugar, and vinegar until combined. Remove from heat and set aside.

2. For the Wings: Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Line baking sheet with paper towels. Heat 2 1/2 inches of oil in large Dutch oven over medium-high heat to 360 degrees. While oil heats, mix together cayenne, black pepper, salt, and cornstarch in small bowl. Dry chicken with paper towels and place pieces in large mixing bowl. Sprinkle spice mixture over wings and toss with rubber spatula until evenly coated. Fry half of chicken wings until golden and crisp, 10 to 15 minutes. With slotted spoon, transfer fried chicken wings to baking sheet. Keep first batch of chicken warm in oven while frying remaining wings.

3. For the Creamy Blue Cheese Dressing and Vegetables: Mash blue cheese and buttermilk in small bowl with fork until mixture resembles cottage cheese with small curds. Stir in remaining ingredients (up to carrot and celery sticks). Taste and adjust seasoning with salt and pepper. Can be covered and refrigerated up to 4 days.

4. To Serve: Pour sauce mixture into large bowl, add chicken wings, and toss until wings are uniformly coated. Serve immediately with the carrot and celery sticks and blue cheese dressing on side.

5. To Make Ahead: The fried, unsauced wings can be kept warm in the oven for up to 1 1/2 hours. Toss them with the sauce just before serving.

STEP BY STEP: Cutting Up Chicken Wings

1. With a chef’s knife, cut into the skin between the two larger sections of the wings until you hit the joint. 2. Bend back the two sections to pop and break the joint.
3. Cut through the skin and flesh to completely separate the two meaty portions. 4. Hack off the wingtip and discard.

Fleeting Thoughts

2008-01-09T15:20:00.001-05:00

Just because dog treats smell good, doesn't mean they taste good. I learned the hard way.

Whoa!

2008-01-09T10:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I should write on my blog everyday (like I used to), so I would notice things like a picture of an old lady getting gizzed on! I SWEAR to you, I had no idea that was there! I believe there's a hacker on the loose. Secure your shit!

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day.

Something to Do...

2008-01-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

My friend Mat from culinary school, is in this wonderful band called The Spectacles. I've seen them perform before and they're great. Their genre is soul funk rock (one of their influences are A Tribe Called Quest). The beats and vocals are so groovy, I love it!

They are performing for FREE this Saturday, January 12, 2008, at 9pm, at Bar Matchless in Greenpoint, BK. That's on the corner of Manhattan and Driggs Aves (L to Bedford/G to Nassau). Check out their myspace page at www.myspace.com/thespectaclesband, for samples and more info.

Come through with your crew, get some drinks, and go with the flow. This is definitely an awesome show.

Today is the Day...

2008-01-06T01:09:00.000-05:00

The final season of The Wire begins! The Wire is quite possibly the best show ever made. It shows the realness of the streets, city hall, the precinct, the education system, and now, the media. This season will focus on how media sensationalizes events and misconstrues facts. The Wire is a visual essay of what is wrong in Americans cities today. Crime and corruption runs from the bottom, all the way to the top of the bureaucracy. Why this show hasn't won an awards is beyond me. Before each season, I read what critics have to say, and they all say, "It's the best show on television."

Enjoy the season premiere tomorrow night at 10pm on HBO. For the lucky ones who have HBO On Demand (me), you can watch it the week before it comes out (I'm watching it right now). I have the first 3 seasons on DVD.

Holla at me with your favorite characters. Mine is Bunk. And of course, Stringer Bell (RIP). They sexy...mmmm.

Recipe of the Day: Black Bean Pumpkin Soup - 1/06/08

2008-01-06T01:00:00.000-05:00

I was just browsing for a recipe and came across this one. I love hearty, thick, cold weather soups. This is perfect with a 12-grain roll and a diet coke (random, I know). I use pretty much any excuse to use pumpkin. It's especially great in soups because it adds substance, body, color, and great flavor. The diced ham is what drew me to this recipe. You can substitute shredded chicken, turkey, duck, etc. You get the point. Feel free to cut the recipe in half, or make the whole thing, and freeze until ready to eat. Bon appetit!

Makes 9 cups

three 15 1/2 ounce cans black beans (about 4 1/2 cups), rinsed and drained
1 cup drained canned tomatoes, chopped
1 1/4 cups chopped onion
1/2 cup minced shallot
4 garlic cloves minced
1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) unsalted butter
4 cups beef broth
a 16-ounce can pumpkin pureé (about 1 1/2 cups)
1/2 cup dry Sherry
1/2 pound cooked ham, cut into 1/8-inch dice
3 to 4 tablespoons Sherry vinegar

Garnish: sour cream and coarsely chopped lightly toasted pumpkin seeds

- In a food processor coarsely pureé beans and tomatoes.
- In a 6-quart heavy kettle cook onion, shallot, garlic, cumin, salt, and pepper in butter over moderate heat, stirring, until onion is softened and beginning to brown.

- Stir in bean pureé. - Stir in broth, pumpkin, and Sherry until combined and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, 25 minutes, or until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon.

- Just before serving, add ham and vinegar and simmer soup, stirring, until heated through. - Season soup with salt and pepper.

- Serve soup garnished with sour cream and toasted pumpkin seeds.

How To Deal w/ a Police Situation

2008-01-05T15:49:00.001-05:00

1. Lawyer up immediately. Stop talking and incriminating yourself. Cops don't care about giving you a break! This is their job. They only care for themselves, and their family and friends.
2. Make NO statements. "Made men don't make statements." Just keep your mouth shut until your lawyer arrives. Then you can chatter like a school girl.
3. Be polite and courteous, it goes a long way. Being rude and unpleasant is sure to set any decent person off.

Also, don't make them come looking for your ass or chase you. As you know, that often leads to flying bullets and unneccessary charges.

Shout out to the boys & girls in blue at the 17th Precinct.

Fleeting Thoughts

2008-01-04T02:25:00.001-05:00

My twin figured out what's wrong with Soulja Boy's mouth. It looks like he sucks a lot of dick. I wholeheartedly agree.

MERRY NEW YEAR!!!!

2007-12-31T19:57:00.000-05:00

2008 is the year to stack bundles and listen to your parents. I know, listening to them and admitting they're right is so hard and gut-wrenching to do, but they've been through all this shit. They know how it all goes. Mama knows when that nigga ain't no good. The spirit of rebellion keeps us from realizing the wisdom of our elders. So I urge my fellow blooming adults to listen and learn. Sure you can continue to roll your eyes and storm out to keep up the front, but you know in the back of your mind, they always have your best interests at heart.

Now about stacking bundles. Everyone, get your hustle on. I don't want to hear complaining, "Where you been? I miss you!" You know where I am, and when I'm ready to get it popping, I promise, you'll be the first one I call. Remember, Suze Orman says to save $100/month for at least $1,000,000 by retirement age. Let's get those IRAs and 401ks in order this year.

Rock out with your cocks out tonight, my friends.

"United and lighted we stand, inebriated we fall."

New Years Eve Options 2008

2007-12-30T19:51:00.000-05:00

Here are some New Years events going down in NYC. You're welcome for making this easy.

Out With a Bang

Celebrate New Years Eve in Brooklyn at the gorgeous Genesis Loft (corner of Nostrand and Macon). Music will be provided by DJ Snap, Soundproof Intl., Ontrack, Synco, GT Hi Fi, and Youngstar. For $40 (adv. tickets, more @ door), you get 2-hour open bar, free buffet all night, free champagne toast at midnight, and free party giveaways. Contact G-Star Entertainment for tickets 347.217.2625 (tell her Patricia sent you).

New Years Eve @ LOVE

Hosted by Jonny Famous, this New Years extravaganza is happening at LOVE, which is located on 179 MacDougal Street (on the corner of 8th Street) in NYC. Expect DJ Vibe and DJ JM on the turntables. For $75, you get open bar from 10-12am and 3-4am. For tickets and more information call 212.673.4951 or email rsvp@lolanewyork.com.

The Black Ball

This is the only place you're supposed to be on New Years' Eve. My friends at threeKINGS NYC are hosting this hot party at 101 Riverviews. Click here to view the flash invite. Contact 646.552.9689

or theblackballnye@gmail.com for tickets and more info.

ECKO Warehouse Sale

2007-12-28T15:23:00.001-05:00

Everyone please go to the Ecko Warehouse sale on the corner of 21st Street and 6th Ave. All women's clothing is $15 (jeans, shirts, outerwear, dresses, anything), and those Ecko hoodies we all love so much, are only $20! The lines include Ecko, Ecko Red, Marc Ecko Cut & Sewn, Zoo York, G-Unit, and many more. Get your post-Christmas shop on. The sale runs through the end of January. Happy spending!

I Lied

2007-12-28T02:22:00.001-05:00

Sex is great! Have as much sex as you possibly can (BE SAFE)! I know I wrote that Sex Ruins Everything, but I've since realized its therapeutic qualities. Why do you think make-up sex is soooo good? After that horrendous fight with your S.O. (significant other), some monkey-lovin, throat-choking, hair-pulling sex is definitely in order. Please take this time to choke, slap, bite, and basically take out your frustrations on your partner. Ladies, this is one of few occasions where your man can slap you, and you can't say shit about it. I know it hurts sometimes (especially if he's known for Lenny's strength), but pain is pleasure.

Try not to resort to finding random ass to achieve this sensational euphoria. I find it more fulfilling and pleasurable if you actually care about the person (a little bit is ok). For those of you who scoffed at my celibacy claims, you were right. I'm weak for the D. So, after that long, grueling day at work, throw back that bottle of wine with your boo, and get to sexin'....mmmm.

The Greatest Store EVER!

2007-12-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

Well not ever, but close. Steve and Barr y's is my new favorite clothing haven. I believe they started out as a university sportswear store, but blossomed into a national retail chain. They sell Venus Williams' new line EleVen, Sarah Jessica Parker's line Bitten, and Stephen Marbury's affordable basketball sneakers Starbury. For those of you who are looking for basic clothing at an affordable price, this is where to go.

I walked into this store today, for the first time ever, and they were having an "Everything is $8.98" sale. Everything. I got an entire suit (jacket, shirt, and pants) for less than $27! That's incredible! This is the place where you go to find that plain grey turtleneck you've always wanted for work. They have mens, women's, and kids clothing and shoes.

In NYC, they have one at the Manhattan Mall (33rd St. & 6th Ave). For all you Long Island hicks, they have one at the Broadway Mall (Hicksville) and at The Mall at the Source (Westbury). Click here for other store locations.

Happy shopping!

Fleeting Thoughts

2007-12-27T09:33:00.000-05:00

Why the fuck does Sonic pay for advertising in New York, when there isn't a Sonic within several hundred miles of NYC?! Do you know how many times I've been had by those goddamn commercials? Their products look sooooo delicious! At least open one up in Times Square! I would go out of my way, from Queens, for one of those Sonic Blasts. I went to one in New Orleans (pre-Katrina), and it was absolutely delicious and spectacular. So, to the owners of Sonic, I implore you to open a Sonic Drive-In near the New York City area. I promise, you will not be disappointed.

Relax Your Mind...Do Some Yoga

2007-12-26T18:59:00.000-05:00

I love yoga. It stretches all your muscles, even the ones you don't know about. It's therapeutic and essential to a harmonious soul. Here are some basic moves to get you on your spiritual journey

Easy Pose: a comfortable, cross-legged, seated position; good pose for meditation and breathing exercises.

Downward Facing Dog Pose: stretches and strengthens the entire body; can help relieve back pain.

Standing Forward Bend: stretches and lengthens the hamstrings

Tree Pose: strengthens legs, improves balance

Bridge Pose: strengthens the spine, opens the chest, improves spinal flexibility, stimulates the thyroid.

Child's Pose: gentle stretch for the hips, thighs, and ankles.

For more information and additional beginners' yoga poses, check out About.com's section on Beginners' Yoga.

Has-Been Celebrities, Revamped

2007-12-26T17:04:00.000-05:00

VH1 has taken on the responsibility of creating work for has-been celebrities, cleverly dubbed Celebreality (Surreal Life, Flavor of Love, The Salt N Pepa Show, etc). Well here's a brand new one. Mix a lot of coke and liquor, rehab, Y-list celebrities, and a camera crew, and you have "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew," airing on January 10, 2008. The show will feature alcoholics and drug addicts like Jeff Conaway (Kanicki from Grease), Chyna Doll, Brigitte Nielsen, and Judy (the sister from Family Matters that disappeared after 2 seasons, and became the porn star Crave).

Apparently, Kanicki snorts laxatives, and Judy smokes one blunt every hour. First of all, how do you come to find out that snorting laxatives makes you high? Secondly, do you know how expensive one blunt per hour is? That's an average of 15 blunts a day. Now if you use a nick for every blunt, that's $75/day, $525/week, $27,300/year! How is she affording this? Does she still do porn? Granted, people waste way more money on coke and heroin, but to spend that much money a year on weed is a little sad. People say you don't get addicted to weed. I beg to differ. It's more of a mental dependancy, rather than a physical one.

With fame comes a big house, fake friends, and an expensive drug habit. Rich people get bored, and bored people do drugs. Do you know what celebrity rehab centers look like? It's basically a spa. They do everything so you can "kick the habit" in private. Now I know why Lindsay and Britney continue to relapse. Rehab is a joke and this show is proof of that. Dr. Drew Pinksy (from Loveline) claims that this show will help remove some of the stigma surrounding rehab and encourage addicts to seek help. There is no stigma surrounding rehab. Rehab is expensive. Rich people and celebrities can afford to go to a decent center and receive quality treatment. But what about poor people? What are their options? How about we focus our attention on helping the homeless teenage junkie on the corner, rather than giving crackhead-ass, bottomed-out celebrities a check and another 15 minutes of fame? The only purpose of this show is to entertain the masses, and make them feel better about themselves. Will I watch? Of course, because my self-esteem needs a bit of a boost.

For those of you who really do need help with addiction, listen to your family and friends. They have your best interests at heart and only want you to be the best you can be. I know that sounds cliche and corny, but it's the truth. If you're reading this, then you have access to a computer, so go on Google, and research some treatment options in your neighborhood. You may be having the time of your life now, but when you're 40 with a rotten liver or collapsed veins, you're gonna regret not having quit. Just a tip...

WTF?!?!

2007-12-26T14:58:00.000-05:00

Yung Joc, you're an idiot. A huge, fat, talentless, stupid idiot. Not only did you attempt to board a plane with a loaded gun, but you also skipped a court date, and are now considered a fugitive. He was listed on the Forbes' 2007 Richest Rappers list with $10 million. Really?! I'm smarter than this clown-ass nigga in my sleep. What has the world come to???

So Cool...

2007-12-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

Lupe Fiasco's The Cool

I was the hugest Lupe fan in the summer of 2006. I saw him perform at the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival, I downloaded every song he ever made, and rode his jock...HARD. Then his album leaked and he was forced to re-do it, and honestly, it was less than stellar. I was bored with it, so I dismissed Lupe to the back of my mind. When I heard he was working on a top-secret album, my interest was piqued. However, it was so "top-secret," there was no promotion or even casual mention it was going to be released this December! I hung out with a friend the other day and he played it and it BLEW MY MIND. Lupe Fiasco, you have restored my faith. Thank you.

The Cool is ten-times better than his debut album Food & Liquor. On this sophomore set, he settles comfortably into his flow. He becomes quite cool, indeed. His leadoff single "Superstar" is only a piece of what he offers. His content range is broad enough to amuse and entertain even the most critical rap fan. My favorite tracks: "Little Weapon," "Go Baby," and "Streets on Fire." I suggest you roll up an L, sit back, and cruise through this chilly classic.

Recipe of the Day: Quick and Easy Clam & Corn Chowder - 12/26/07

2007-12-26T14:06:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone enjoyed their holidays. Here's a quick and tasty soup to warm up to with your boo. I adore all chowders - salmon, chicken, beef, but my most favorite are clam chowders. These little sea creatures offer a simple and clean seafood taste and the cream makes it hearty and warming. This is the perfect soup to ring in the new year. You can make this recipe with canned clams (cheap) or raw clams (gourmet), still in their shells (make sure you scrub and rinse them before cooking). Real clams take 6-8 minutes to cook and when they're ready, their shell will open (see picture). Discard any clams that are still closed after 8 minutes. Enjoy!

Makes 4 to 6 servings

Ingredients

3 bacon slices, cut crosswise into thin strips

1 bunch scallions (5 or 6)

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided

1 can whole sweet corn (from about 4 ears)

1 pound boiling potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes

1 (8-ounce) bottle of clam juice

1/2 cup water

4 cans minced clams w/ juice

1 cup whole milk

1/2 cup heavy cream

Preparation

Cook bacon in a 4- to 5-quart heavy pot over medium heat, stirring, until slightly browned but not crisp. Chop white and pale green parts of scallions (reserve greens) and add to bacon along with 1 tablespoon butter. Cook, stirring, 2 minutes. Stir in corn, potatoes, clam juice, water, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper and bring to a rolling boil, uncovered.

Add clams and return to a boil, then simmer, uncovered, for 5 minutes.

Chop 1/2 cup scallion greens and add to chowder along with milk, cream, and remaining tablespoon butter. Cook, stirring, until heated through (do not let boil). Season with salt and pepper.

Open Letter to Jim Jones & Juelz Santana

2007-12-22T01:45:00.001-05:00

Guys, do me a favor and come out with some more hot hit, like ASAP. Jimmy, I'm ballin' with you. Juelz, tick tock, time for you to drop that next hit. I sit here, drunk, watching old Dipset videos, and I honestly think you niggas can bring NY back. I don't know what your guys deal is with Cam, but leave him out of it, he's a liability (and he's trash). Someone once said that Cam'Ron is the Pootie Tang of rap. I whole-heartedly agree. Cam, you're so fine, but as an MC you ain't worth shit, real talk.

So Jim and Juelz, if you come across this, please put us (NYC, Uptown) back on the fucking map. Get those hot beats ready. Give Just Blaze and Green Lantern a call and shut that shit down. I'm dying here. I haven't had a desire to dowload music in so long and I feel you can restore my faith.

You both are amazing and I look forward to your future projects.

BIG. THINGS IN 008! HOLLA

Just So You Know...

2007-12-21T06:03:00.001-05:00

I would really appreciate it if some of my brilliant friends contributed content to my wonderful blog. I want to create free and easy communication amongst us all, however crazy it may be (no Nazis or racists please). So whatever is on your mind, rant or rave, feel free to email me at amaretto325@aol.com and I'll post your piece with whatever credit you'd like.

Speak your mind. Fuck what everyone else thinks.

Time is Money

2007-12-21T05:47:00.000-05:00

Please believe that when I grace you with my presence, I expect the best in return. The one thing I hate most is investing my time into someone, and he/she turning out to be worthless. You either talk or you don't. If you do speak, you usually say some dumb shit, and I don't even respect you anymore. Honey, if I can't fake a conversation with you, then we have nothing. So please, excuse men and keep it moving. No harm done, I promise.

I guess this post really only applies to men, because women do not approach me and say dumb shit. Women usually don't approach anyone and say dumb shit (unless they're drunk). I'm sorry if I come across bitchy, but I really have no tolerance for faggot-ass guys (please refer to "The F-word" post) being lame and wasting my time. Honestly, I deserve a refund. You owe me a drink, a cab ride home, or you can do the dishes in my sink. All that time I "invested" in your dumb ass, I could have been at a diner inhaling a medium rare bacon cheesebuger deluxe (that's how I roll). Point being, when I speak to you, I implore you to say something marginally interesting. As I've said before:

"Anything lost can be found again, except time wasted."

Movie Review - Alpha Dog (2007)

2007-12-20T16:21:00.000-05:00

I love HBO for the simple fact that they have the best movies and shows all the time. Currently on their line up is this fantastic movie, Alpha Dog, which is based on the true story of Jesse James Hollywood. Basically, in 2000, Hollywood, a drug dealer in CA, kidnapped the younger brother of a junkie/dealer, who owed him money. The plan fell apart and ends in tragedy. As you can see from the movie poster, it stars Bruce Willis, Emile Hirsch, Justin Timberlake, Sharon Stone, and a host of other talented actors. I love movies that depict teenage drug culture. You'll have fun watching this movie, up until the last 20 minutes. Roll up a fat one, sit back, and enjoy the show...mmmm.

Gossip

2007-12-20T15:49:00.000-05:00

- WTF?!?! Britney Spears' 16-year old sister, Jamie-Lynn Spears, is fucking pregnant!!! What is this world coming to? At first, I thought it was a vicious, nasty rumor, but then I saw it on CNN! What is wrong with that family? Those parents are useless.

- Ike Turner died last week. I heard it was from a crack OD. Way to go out with a bang.

- Fergie and Kanye West have decided to remake Michael Jackson's Thriller. I swear to all that is holy, if this song is trash, I will personally find Kanye West and Fergie and slap them in the face. Honestly, the song does not need to be remade. It's a classic, let it rest in peace.

- A crushing blow was dealt to Major League Baseball with the release of a new steroid report naming mad heads - Bonds, Clemens, Conseco, just about every major slugger. Is anyone surprised? Just let them all take steriods. That would be way more interesting.

- Oprah had joined Barack Obama on the campaign trail and now people are clamoring for her to run as VP. Orpah is not God! Leave the woman alone and let her do what she does best - talk to celebrities, build schools, and give away mad shit.

- Jodie Foster kinda came out of the closet. It's about time.

- Jay-Z stay doing big things. He will celebrate New Years Eve performing at the opening of 40/40 in Vegas. I'm jealous. He also just invested in a new hotel chain called J Hotels., luxury at it's best. He got the air rights for the building located in Midtown Manhattan. I love you Jigga man! You are my idol!

- A 10-year old black girl in Ocala, FL was arrested on felony weapons charges after her parents packed a steak knife in her lunchbox, so she can cut her steak. She didn't brandish it or threaten anyone, and now, at 10 years old, she has a felony! I understand the severity of security issues in our schools, but that shit is excessive.

- Jessica Alba is preggers by her boyfriend Cash Warren.

- Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months. You know he's getting out sooner than that.

- Ruben Studdard was dropped by J Records. Give the velvet teddy bear a chance!

Just a Tip

2007-12-20T10:56:00.000-05:00

LIL NIGGAS: Stop trying to act all "cool." Why don't you reinvest that energy into school, sports, your family and friends? All you stuck up, poser-ass thugs/pretty boys need to relax and start handling real business. Get a smaller t-shirt, pull up your fucking pants, and do your goddamn homework!

BIG NIGGAS: Set an example. Even if you're not the kid's father, act like a real fucking man and maybe he might learn something.

Recipe of the Day: Wild Mushroom Potato Gratin - 12/20/07

2007-12-20T02:09:00.000-05:00

1/2 lb fresh wild or exotic mushrooms such as chanterelles or shiitakes (discard shiitake stems), trimmed and coarsely chopped

2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
3/4 lb fresh cremini mushrooms, trimmed and sliced 1/4 inch thick
1 1/2 teaspoons minced garlic
3 lb russet (baking) potatoes
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 1/2 cups whole milk
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
2 oz finely grated Gruyère (1 cup)

Special equipment: a 15- by 10- by 2-inch oval gratin dish or other 3-qt shallow baking dish

Put oven rack in middle position and preheat to 400°F.

Cook chanterelles or shiitakes with salt and pepper to taste in 1 tablespoon butter in a large nonstick skillet over moderate heat, stirring, until liquid mushrooms give off is evaporated and mushrooms are tender, about 8 minutes, then transfer to a bowl. Cook cremini in remaining 1 1/2 tablespoons butter in skillet, stirring, until liquid is evaporated and mushrooms are tender, about 8 minutes, then transfer to bowl with wild mushrooms. Toss mushrooms with 1 teaspoon garlic.

Peel potatoes and cut crosswise into 1/8-inch-thick slices (preferably with an adjustable-blade slicer). Bring potatoes, cream, milk, salt, white pepper, nutmeg, and remaining 1/2 teaspoon garlic to a boil in a 4- to 6-quart heavy pot, stirring once or twice, then remove from heat.

Transfer half of potatoes to buttered gratin dish with a slotted spoon, spreading evenly. Spread mushrooms evenly over potatoes, then top with remaining potatoes. Pour cooking liquid over potatoes and sprinkle with cheese.

Bake gratin until top is golden brown and potatoes are tender, 45 to 55 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Cooks' note:
• Instead of using 1/2 lb of 1 type of wild or exotic mushroom, you could use 1/4 lb each of 2 types.

Recipe of the Day: Meatballs - 12/14/07

2007-12-14T09:12:00.000-05:00

Here it is Stephania, the perfect recipe for meatballs. The cheese really adds great flavor to them. You might not recognize fennel seeds, but don't leave them out. They're what make sausages all sausagey (you know what I mean). Don't skip the fresh basil either. If you know authentic marinara sauce, then you know the importance of fresh basil. If you can't find panko (try) you can use 1/2 fresh bread crumbs (throw two pieces of bread in a food processor, et voila). When browning the meatballs, make sure you get them nice a brown and tasty, because that flavor gets stuck to the bottom of the pan, thus contributing to the deep, rich flavor of the sauce. Serve these tasty balls over cooked pasta or between a toasted roll with shredded mozarella cheese...mmmm.

1/2 pound ground beef

1/2 pound ground pork

1/2 pound ground veal

1/2 cup panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)*

1/2 cup water

8 tablespoons freshly grated Pecorino Romano or Parmesean cheese, divided

1 large egg

1 large egg yolk

1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/4 cup vegetable oil

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 cup chopped onion

6 garlic cloves, chopped

1/4 cup (packed) fresh basil leaves

1 1/2 teaspoons fennel seeds

1 28-ounce can whole peeled tomatoes

1 14.5-ounce can whole peeled tomatoes

*Sold in the Asian foods section of some supermarkets and at Asian markets.

Mix all meats, panko, 1/2 cup water, 6 tablespoons cheese, egg, egg yolk, 1/4 cup parsley, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper in large bowl. Form into eighteen 2-inch-meatballs.

Heat vegetable oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Working in batches, fry meatballs until brown all over. Transfer to plate. Pour off drippings from skillet. Reduce heat to medium. Add olive oil to skillet. Add onion, garlic, basil, and fennel seeds. Sauté until onion begins to brown, about 5 minutes. Add all tomatoes with juices. Bring to boil, scraping up browned bits. Reduce heat to low, cover with lid slightly ajar, and simmer, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes.

Puree sauce in processor until almost smooth. Return to same skillet. Add meatballs. Cover with lid slightly ajar and simmer until meatballs are cooked through, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes longer. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover; chill.

The F Word

2007-12-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

Not the four-letter one. The six letter one...faggot. Isaiah Washington got fired from Grey's Anatomy because he got into a fight backstage with one of his co-workers, and called him a faggot. Now turns out this guy, T.R. Knight, really is gay and chooses to come out of the closet. He gets FIRED and basically had to go to homophobia rehab. Fuck that! If someone is acting in a lame, pussy-ass manner, then he deserves to be called a faggot, gay or not. And gay people need to get over it, just like black people need to get over the N word. Let's come up with a definition that doesn't even refer to someone being gay. Basically a faggot is a loser. So, to all you faggots, stop being so sensitive and man up in the 008.

What are YOU Doing For New Years?

2007-12-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

In high school, I used to pay $100 dollars to get into a dive bar for New Years. What kind of shit is that? Well, it hasn't changed. In fact, it's gotten more expensive to party with strangers on December 31st. Ok, so $125 gets you in to the party and you have unlimited drinks for 5 hours (no bottle service). Tempting, but it just seems excessive. Why not have friends over, buy a couple of bottles and enjoy the comfort of your own home? Or how about the classy way of going to a club for free and sneaking a bottle in your purse? That's what I'm talking about. All this pseudo-stuntin' and for what? Why is it that everyone feels the need to ball out and floss? I think it's because of the fireworks and lights. I want to be able to stunt when I can really afford it, like Jay-Z. I hope to spend a New Years on a beach in the south of France or at the top of the world's tallest building, the Taipei 101, in Taiwan. In my 30s, I'm going to spend each New Years in a different city. 10 cities, 10 years, that's a great mission. Where would I go? Paris, Sydney, LA, Tokyo, Berlin, Vegas, Miami, Cairo, London, and Crete. That's how you celebrate. Holla!

Recipe of the Day: Jewish Penicillin - 12/13/07

2007-12-13T14:06:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is known for being shrouded in germs, coughs, and the sniffles. The best cure for the common cold and flu is my mom's recipe for Jewish Penicillin a.k.a Chicken Noodle Soup. It's so easy to make. You'll be feeling better in no time...mmmm.

1 whole chicken

2 stalk of celery, cut into 2" pieces

2 carrots, cut into 1" pieces

1 lb potatoes, cut into 1' cubes

2 cloves of garlic, smashed

1/2 lb noodles

Water, as needed

Salt & pepper, to taste

- Put all ingredients in a large stock pot. Add enough water to cover chicken. Season with salt and pepper.

- Cook over medium heat until chicken is cooked through. Add noodles 8 minutes before vegetables are fork-tender. Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper.

- To serve, you can serve the broth, veggies, and noodles with shredded or whole chicken pieces (thigh, breast, leg).

Enjoy!

Words of Wisdom

2007-12-13T11:36:00.000-05:00

"Anything lost can be found again, except for time wasted."

- Samuel L. Jackson in "Fresh"

"Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can."

- Arthur Ashe

I'm a Hater...SO WHAT?!

2007-12-12T14:24:00.001-05:00

I can't stand this bitch Angel Lola Luv, and for no good reason too. She's gorgeous and her booty looks delicious. I hate her because she's famous for having a big, scrumptious ass. She's been all over the news recently. She was even featured on the cover of The Village Voice, a couple months back. Page Six is doing stories on her, Media Takeout always has photo spreads, etc. Is she the new Melissa Ford? I love how video ho is a certified job title. Ok, they're not all hoes (I use it as a term of endearment). Tell me why she got the XXL Eye Candy of the Year Award? She gets an effin award?! The United States of America is ridiculous. We all suffer from ADD and get so bored, that we make up 15 new awards per year!

Sidenote: Melissa Ford is NOT all

that. I say that because her face isn't memorable. Do you know how many times I've seen her picture and not recognized her? And her frame isn't even

anything special. She's just pretty and in shape. Hardly anything noteworthy.

Wow, there's so much hate in my blood! Do I just hate on pretty women who have bigger booties than me? Perhaps. I think I'm gonna save up mad loot, fly down to Brazil, and buy me a new ass. I have to do it. I know in the Kim K article I was going on and on about how her ass is fake and yada, yada. But now I really see the appeal in apple bottoms. And yes, I want to appeal to black men and that's fine cause I'm black. I used to be well endowed back there, but I seem to have caught a disease that eats at your posterior. I know rollerblading and squats are supposed to help, but I'm a lazy American. A concern I have is buying jeans that cover everything, especially when I bend over (don't want my coin slot to show). I suppose by that time, I will have a personal tailor to make all my jeans. For now, I'll just settle for the seated leg press machine at Bally's.

Ladies Night @ Play Lounge

2007-12-12T13:59:00.000-05:00

I've been going here for years for 4 reasons:

1. EVERY Thursday is Ladies Night, where ladies drink and play pool for free from 10pm - 2am

2. There is a smoke room right in the middle of it all, so you can just chill, drink and smoke, INSIDE!

3. There's never a cover charge (even on New Years...HOLLA!)

4. There are 4 bowling lanes and board games available to play (get it, Play).

Please check them out at:

Play Lounge

77-17 Queens Blvd.

Elmhurst, NY 11373

718.476.2828

Holla at me when you go, I'm always down!

Recipe of the Day: Roasted Rosemary Sweet Potatoes - 12/12/07

2007-12-12T13:40:00.001-05:00

Jazz up your traditional potato recipes by substituting sweet potatoes. With the addition of fresh rosemary (my most favorite herb), this dish is out of this world. It's really easy to make for a quick and sophisticated side dish.

Makes 6 servings

Ingredients

3 large sweet potatoes, (unpeeled is fine) cut into 1" cubes

1 tbsp olive oil

1 tbsp fresh rosemary, minced

salt & pepper to taste

- Preheat oven to 375F and line a baking sheet with aluminum foil.

- In a bowl, toss all the ingredients together. Spread onto baking sheet in one layer.

- Roast potatoes for 40-50 minutes, turning once half way through, until they can be easily pierced with a toothpick.

Mystic Strictly Reggae Wednesdays

2007-12-12T13:13:00.000-05:00

Visit Dirty Disco for Mystic's Strictly Reggae Wednesdays. Even if you don 't like reggae, you can blaaaaaaaze downstairs! Ladies are free until midnight. For more info about this event contact Lady Tia at 646.339.4953 or ladytiareggae@hotmail.com

Dirty Disco (next door to Plumm)

248 W. 14th Street (btwn 7th & 8th Ave)

NYC

Just a Tip

2007-12-12T12:16:00.001-05:00

I was watching The Suze Orman Show last night on CNBC, and she offers great financial advice. Here's an extremely useful tip: if you start saving $100/month starting at the age of 25, by 65 (retirement) you will have $1,000,000. However, if you choose to start saving at 35, by 65, you'll only have $300,000.

START SAVING YOUR MONEY NOW!!

Check out more financial advice at Suze Orman and try to catch her show in CNBC (check local TV listings).

Draw On My Face!

2007-12-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

CALLING ALL GRAFFITI ARTISTS! Please send your work to amaretto325@aol.com and maybe a pic of yourself and a little bio.

ALL OTHER ARTISTS: Send your work too. I chose to single out graffiti cause presently have a taste for it. Send me your photos, drawings, comics, info, events, business ventures, etc. Increase your exposure!

Someone Buy This For Me...

2007-12-11T23:34:00.000-05:00

PLEASE?!?! I need this bag, like yesterday. Look how pretty...

It's the Versace "Snap Out Of It" bag, and it's on sale at eLuxury for only $1,400!

I expect this wrapped and waiting under the Christmas tree.

Recipe of the Day: Clam and Corn Fritters w/ Cilantro Dip - 12/11/07

2007-12-11T23:24:00.001-05:00

I love clams and I love corn. Combine then and you have these delicious appetizer/hors d'oeuvres. For the dip, you can adjust the amount of cilantro, which is very bold in flavor. Another tasty treat from Epicurious...mmmm.

Servings: Makes 12 servings.

Ingredients
Dip
1 cup plain yogurt
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 teaspoon grated lemon peel
1/2 garlic clove, minced
1/8 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

Fritters
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 8-ounce can chopped clams, drained
1/2 cup frozen corn kernels, thawed
2 green onions, minced
1 large egg, beaten to blend
3/4 cup (about) buttermilk
Vegetable oil (for frying)

Preparation

For dip: Mix all ingredients in small bowl to blend. Season with salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate until flavors blend, at least 1 hour or overnight.

For fritters: Whisk flour, salt, baking soda and cayenne pepper in medium bowl to blend. Mix in drained clams, corn, green onions and egg. Stir in 1/2 cup buttermilk. Mix in enough remaining buttermilk to form stiff batter (do not overmix).

Pour enough vegetable oil into heavy large skillet to reach depth of 1 inch. Heat oil to 350°F over medium heat. Working in batches, drop batter by heaping teaspoonfuls into oil. Cook until fritters are golden brown, turning once, about 2 1/2 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer to rack to drain. Serve hot, passing cilantro dip separately.

Recipe of the Day: Spicy Almonds and Cashews - 12/10/07

2007-12-10T13:57:00.000-05:00

This is a great little snack you can prepare and take to work with you. You can choose any combination of nuts. To toast them, just place them in a dry skillet over low heat and toast until they become fragrant. Not only do nuts give you energy, but the spicyness will help speed up you metabolism. You can also experiment with different spice amounts and combinations. This recipe can be prepared in 45 minutes or less...mmmm.

Servings: Makes about 4 cups.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
2 cups whole blanched almonds, toasted lightly
2 cups raw cashews (available at natural foods stores), toasted lightly

Preparation
In a small heavy skillet melt the butter over moderately low heat, add the cumin, the chili powder, the cayenne, the salt, and the paprika, and cook the spices, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add the nuts and stir them to coat them well. Transfer the coated nuts to a baking pan large enough to hold them in one layer and toasted them in a preheated 350°F. oven for 5 minutes. Let the nuts cool and transfer them to serving dish.

Sex Ruins Everything

2007-12-10T00:43:00.000-05:00

As great as having sex is, it's also a fucking burden. While sex brings two people closer, both physically and emotionally, it can tear shit up in a heartbeat. You walk in on your wife fucking her boss in your bed, you're on anti-depressants (they kill your libido) and your partner can't deal with not having sex as often, whatever! It's crazy how something so good and fruitful can become the reason you swallow 17 stool softeners and 25 Tylenol after you find out your girlfriend is a lesbian. How many relationships, do you think have ended because of some sex-related issue (cheating, not enough sex, past relationships, etc.)? The only way to solve this is stop having sex. That's what I'm gonna do. DEAD SERIOUS. I have to. It's the only way to weed out the bullshit. Good sex can certainly create a deceiving, mystical fog that prevents you from seeing and knowing what's real. So for now, me and my 10 digits are best friends.

Like I said before, we're obsessed with finding a quick fix for a broken heart. I don't understand how rebound fucking is supposed to help you get over shit. Don't get me wrong, I've done it before and it works like a charm, but it really just put me back into a place I didn't want to be. Instant gratification is not the answer. Taking the time to heal correctly, so the scars aren't so bad, is the way to go. Yes, I am going through a torturous breakup, so I have to find a new way to deal with this shit, and with shit in general. So to the newly single, join me in my Sexless Healing Therapy. It's hard, I know, but think of how good it will be when you have sex again....mmmm.

VH1, hurry home so we can do it up!

It's a new year baby. Holla!

Christmas Wishlist

2007-12-09T23:03:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have thousands to throw away, here are some things I want for christmas.
Fendi purse $2,200Marc Jacob Shoes $400Dolce & Gabbana bracelet $200 White girl in a silver dress (just kidding)
BCBG dress $450

Fleeting Thoughts

2007-12-09T22:53:00.001-05:00

Thanks to the creators of Myspace and Facebook. Just know, you gave couples another reason to fight and break up.

Recipe of the Day: Skillet Lasagna - 12/9/07

2007-12-09T22:33:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite TV shows is America's Test Kitchen. It comes on at noon on PBS (yes, the old people channel). The reason why I love this show is because they take a scientific approach to cooking (I'm a nerd). They test the recipes over and over and over and over again, until they get it perfect. So this is a perfect recipe and the perfect meal. It's another one bowl/plate dinner. It's nice enough to serve with a glass of white wine. DO NOT skimp on the fresh basil, it completes the dish, so put some effort into it and find fresh basil (see pic on right)!

Skillet Lasagna

Meatloaf mix is a combination of ground beef, pork, and veal, sold pre-packaged in many supermarkets. If it's unavailable, use ground beef/turkey/chicken. Use a 12-inch nonstick skillet with a tight-fitting lid for this recipe.

Serves 4 to 6
1 (28-ounce) can diced tomatoes
Water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium onion , minced
Table salt
3 medium cloves garlic , minced or pressed through a garlic press (about 1 tablespoon)
1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 pound meatloaf mix
10 curly-edged lasagna noodles , broken into 2-inch lengths (NOT the oven-ready noodles)
1 can (8 ounces) tomato sauce
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese plus 2 additional tablespoons
Ground black pepper
1 cup ricotta cheese
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

1. Pour tomatoes with their juices into 1-quart liquid measuring cup. Add water until mixture measures 1 quart.

2. Heat oil in large nonstick skillet over medium heat until shimmering. Add onion and 1/2 teaspoon salt and cook until onion begins to brown, about 5 minutes. Stir in garlic and pepper flakes and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add ground meat and cook, breaking apart meat, until no longer pink, about 4 minutes.

3. Scatter pasta over meat but do not stir. Pour diced tomatoes with juices and tomato sauce over pasta. Cover and bring to simmer. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, stirring occasionally, until pasta is tender, about 20 minutes.

4. Remove skillet from heat and stir in 1/2 cup Parmesan. Season with salt and pepper. Dot with heaping tablespoons ricotta, cover, and let stand off heat for 5 minutes. Sprinkle with basil and remaining 2 tablespoons Parmesan. Serve.

Moving On

2007-12-08T20:22:00.001-05:00

Do you believe in the saying, "the best way to get over someone old, is to get under someone new?" While that is somewhat true, I believe that moving on so quickly does a number on our emotional stability. As Americans, we're obsessed with quick fixes. "Sleep with some ugly, worthless stranger and heal your broken heart!" I wish. The only cure for a broken heart and wounded ego is time. As cliche as that sounds, it's true! Also, having great friends and family doesn't hurt.

So if you're dealing with a painful breakup, be strong and keep your legs closed for a while. If you don't, I guarantee you'll wake up naked, next to a hairy transvestite. Good luck!

Recipe of the Day: Chili - 12/8/07

2007-12-08T14:32:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't love them some meaty, hearty, chili (sorry vegetarians, the meat is just too good)? I got this recipe off the back of a Goya can and added my own flava to it. I love one-bowl meals. It's quick, tasty, and allows you to improvise with random things hanging around in your pantry. You could add some corn, mushrooms, anything that won't perish into mush while it cooks. My personal favorite is turkey chili with elbow macaroni. It reheats very well so you can put it in your lunchbox for tomorrow.

Ingredients

1 tbsp. cooking oil
1 cup onion, diced
1/2 cup green pepper, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 lb. ground beef, turkey, or chicken
2 tsp. Goya Adobo Seasoning with Pepper (to taste)
2 tbsp. tomato paste
1 can (15.5 oz.) Goya Small Red Beans, undrained
1 can (16 oz.) diced tomatoes
1 tbsp. chili powder
1 tsp. cumin (or to taste)
1 tsp. Tabasco sauce (or to taste)
Salt and pepper, to taste
1/2 cup water
1/2 lb dried macaroni pasta or 1 lb potatoes, medium dice
1 tbsp. fresh cilantro, chopped

Garnish
Shredded cheese
Sour cream
Fresh chopped cilantro

Directions
1. Season the meat with adobo.
2. In a skillet, heat oil on medium high. Cook onion and pepper and garlic, and cook over medium heat until onions are soft. Stir in meat and season with Adobo. Cook until browned.
3. Add tomato paste and cook for an additional 3-5 minutes. Add beans and tomatoes.
4. Season with chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper.
5. Stir in remaining ingredients. Add enough water to cook pasta or potatoes. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer, uncovered for 30 minutes. Stir occasionally.
6. Serve hot with shredded cheese on top. Serves 4.

Fleeting Thoughts

2007-12-07T21:55:00.001-05:00

I know exactly when Hip Hop died. The day D4L's "Laffy Taffy" came out....

I Don't Mean To Startle You But...

2007-12-07T19:20:00.000-05:00

This is what my dog's penis looks like:

I'm sorry, I had to!

If You Haven't Done So Yet...

2007-12-07T18:38:00.000-05:00

Listen to Jay-Z's "American Gangster." He is at his best. Actually, not really, but the beats are SICK! It's like a hip hop soundtrack to the 70s, pure genius. How many of those were Just Blaze? I don't know what he looks like, but I want to marry him! Word on the street is that Hovito has a ghost writer named Famous that lives in Canada. It all makes sense. There was a point in time when I hated on Jay-Z, but as a persistent presence in Hip Hop and pop culture, I grew to adore him. But really, is he that sick with it or is it some Canadian? Can a Canadian guy really be that fly? Yes, I hate on Canadians because everyone else does. I just think Jay has perfected the art of flowing with a really tight beat that distracts us, thus getting away with not making sense. Works for me.

If you haven't seen it, see the movie American Gangster, THEN listen to this album. He watched the movie and interpreted it in song. You'll definitely pick up what he's talking about. My favorite tracks: American Dreamin' (that's Marvin, right? Genius), Success (that organ reaches the core of my soul), Sweet (alright, alright!), and Roc Boys (those trumpets are bananas). You can listen to it straight through with no problem. Another classic. Congratulations Mr. Carter.

Interesting Gossip From This Past Week 12.2.07 - 12.8.07

2007-12-07T17:18:00.000-05:00

- Of course the biggest news this week is the passing of hip hop great Pimp C. Rest in Peace, my friend. My condolences go out to his family.
- Bow Wow was rushed to the hospital. They're saying he's tired. Big woop.
- Rumors are swirling around Jay-Z's departure from Def Jam. His contract is up at the end of the month and he's figuring out his next moves. Some are saying Def Jam fired him. Others are saying Jigga's demands are excessive, or that he's resigning. Either way, he's gonna continue to make loot.
- Speaking of Hov, he celebrated his 38th birthday in Paris, with the Black Barbie. I'm telling you, they're the black Barbie and Ken (he was never that cute anyway). Anyway, I love their style. Even though his face is 87% lips, they look very good together.
- Donny, the white guy from Making the Ban 4, moved into Diddy's house this past week. Apparently Usher and Mase lived with him for over six months (separately). What is Diddy doing living with these men? He's probably never home anyway...
- Rapper Papoose got punched in the face. Who cares! He's terrible anyways.
- Kanye earned 8 Grammy noms and Amy Crackhouse earned 6. What is her problem anyway? She was recently photographed with coke in her nose; like, a winter wonderland in her nostrils! Aren't cokeheads always making sure there's nothing in their nose? How do you allow yourself to be photographed like that? She was ALSO photographed in the middle of the street, at the butt-crack of dawn in a red bra and jeans...BAREFOOT. She's bonkers.
- Keifer Sutherland (Jack Bauer from 24) has to spend 48 days in jail for a DUI. He will spend his birthday, christmas, and new years in jail. HAHAHAHAHA!
- That nasty bitch New York from VH1 might be preggers. We don't need anymore of her around on this planet. For all I care, her and her mother could spontaneously combust right in front of me and I wouldn't bat an eye.
- Did you know that Keenan Ivory Wayans is dating the blond white chick from the CW11 show The Game? She was also in White Chicks and Little Man. I'm not gonna hate on them cause he's hilarious and she's cute and a pretty good comedic actress.
- Irv Gotti has signed on to do a 2nd season of his reality show "Gotti's Way" on VH1. Even though he's a little corny to me, I like this show. His wife stay checking him.
- Don Imus returned to the airwaves. First amendment, sorry. Get over it.

For more detailed gossip, check out Sandra Rose & Media Takeout.

Put On Your Sunday's Best...We're Going to Brunch!

2007-12-07T16:30:00.001-05:00

How ingenious! A meal that combines breakfast AND lunch! I know this is obvious, but how great? The best of both worlds. You can have waffles or a sandwich. Now if you go to a diner, you could probably get either at 4am after stumbling out of some club. What makes brunch so special is that it's cheaper than your other meals. So get your ass out of bed, get cute, grab your man or your best girlfriends and head to brunch. Sometimes they include drinks like the mimosa (champagne and orange juice...I know, SOOOOO GOOD!), and bloody marys. There's nothing better than liquor at brunch on Sunday at noon.

I just found out about this cute latin restaurant in Brooklyn called "Tamboril." I haven't gone yet, but just reading the menu makes me salivate uncontrollably.

Brunch Menu (Every Sunday 10am - 3:30pm)

BREAKFAST
$7.5 Coconut french toast.
Made with brioche bread served with a tropical fruit salsa
$7. Pancakes.
Served with warm apples and home made whipped cream
Add chocolate chips or crushed pineapple (additional $0.50)
$6.5 Three eggs any style.
Served with home sweet potato fries, bacon and toast
$7. Build your own omelets.
Served with home sweet potato fries and toast choice of two: (salmon, cod, ham, sausage, cheese, spinach, tomatoes, caramelized onions, roasted peppers, broccoli or mushroom), each additional $0.50
$6.5 Tamboril vegetable frittatas (open face omelet).
Served with home sweet potato fries and toast choice of three: (spinach, cheese, tomatoes, caramelized onions, roasted peppers, broccoli or mushroom)
$7. Cod fish breakfast.
Salt cod cooked with onion, sweet peppers, scotch bonnet peppers, scallion, tomatoes and olive oil
$7. Fish cake.
Lightly battered cod fish cake served with a tamarind dipping sauce

SOUPS & SALADS
$7. Tamboril house salad.
Delicious mix of greens, avocado, and tomato, dressed in a citrus garlic vinaigrette
$8. Chicken and chips salad .
Mixed greens with pepper vinaigrette grilled chicken strips and plantain chips
$7. Calabaza soup.
Creamy pumpkin soup laced with nutmeg and cumin
$8. Lentil portabella mushroom soup.
Wonderful blend of sauté mushrooms, lentil, scotch bonnet pepper, ground cloves and a touch of brown sugar
$11. Chicharonne.
Signature fried chicken served with golden tostones and Tamboril salad

SANDWICHES & BURGERS (includes sweet potato fries or tostones)
$8. Juicy beef burger.
Topped with picante caramelized onions served with tomato and lettuce
$7. Turkey burger.
Seasoned with sazon, onions, scallions, tamarind sauce and cayenne pepper served with tomato and lettuce.
$9. Caribbean crab cake sandwich.
Crab cake seasoned with bread crumbs and Tamboril blend served with tomato and lettuce.
$7. Chicken sandwich.
Grilled chicken strips with spicy caramelized onions served with tomato and lettuce

DESSERTS
$6. Coconut flan.
$6. Bread pudding.
$7. Mango cheesecake.
Creamy mango cheesecake drizzled with mango fruit sauce
$6. Carrot cake.
Baked with crushed pineapple, walnuts, coconut flakes served with cream cheese icing on side
$6. Flourless chocolate cake.
Melted chocolate center served with vanilla ice cream

How delicious does all that sound?! Check them out:

Tamboril
527 Myrtle Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11205
718.622.5130
www.tamborilnyc.com

Let's make it a field trip. Holla!

Inappropriate, Inappropriate

2007-12-07T15:45:00.001-05:00

"So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see/Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be/And I apologize if this message gets you down/Then I CC'd every girl that I'd see see round town and/I hate to see y'all frown but I'd rather see her smiling/Wetness all around me, true, but I'm no island/Peninsula maybe, makes no sense I know, crazy/Give up all this pussy cat thats in my lap no lookin back/Spaceships dont come equipped with rearview mirrors/They dip as quick as they can...Play your part, play your part."

- Andre 3000 "International Players Anthem (I Chose You)"

You're in a relationship now and it's great, but these guys keep calling, wanting to "chill" and whatnot (whatever). Now do you politely make up excuses and keep it moving or do you do as Andre 3000 and send a mass email to former lovers telling them to step the fuck off? I'm the one who used to bitch and moan about contact with his ex, but the tables have turned. Never did I think my past was relevant enough to be an issue. What is it exactly that makes us so uncomfortable with communications from our significant other's ex? For me, it's the mental image of my man pleasing some random chick. Now I know his life didn't start when he met me, but I'm a brat: "I'm the most beautiful woman ever and I'm the only one that ever existed for him."

Is it the potential for a relapse that bothers people? OF COURSE! You've already fucked them, why wouldn't you do it again?! There's no rationalizing this fear, like, "I wouldn't be with you if I wanted to fuck her," or "I love you so much, I'm not even thinking about that chick." No matter what you say, it's easy ass, and people can't resist easy ass. What if there's an existing friendship or business partnership, or any kind of relationship that can't be easily severed? Like, "I fucked my boss before I met you, when we both got wasted at the holiday party." I'm not going to quit my high-paying job because I got drunk and made a mistake, AND doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things. MAN UP. DEAL WITH IT!

The point is, keep it moving. The past is the past and if it was currently relevant, it would be your present and/or future.

And to all those who are exiting relationships, FIND NEW ASS! There's nothing worse than falling ass-backwards onto old dick after an emotionally draining shit storm.